In his e-book, The Ignatian Journey, Kevin O’Brien, SJ, says that contemplation, within the Ignatian sense, “is extra about feeling than pondering. Contemplation usually stirs the feelings and evokes deep, God-given needs…we depend on our imaginations to position ourselves in a setting from the Gospels or in a scene proposed by Ignatius.” In a latest expertise of Ignatian contemplation, my feelings have been so stirred up that I couldn’t discover phrases to articulate them. I used to be imagining sitting beside Jesus, and I needed to speak with him however was overcome by emotion. Once I appeared over at him, my eyes welled with tears. It got here as a shock, and I felt embarrassed and ashamed as a result of I’ve a lot to be glad about and actually needed to really feel gratitude.

Because the tears turned to sobs, what I used to be feeling was undoubtedly not gratitude. I judged myself for not having the “right” emotions. Jesus, nevertheless, continued to have a look at me—and never in the way in which that my imperfect human nature might need anticipated that he would. He was not judging me. The truth is, I’m fairly certain that what I noticed in his eyes was the identical look that Mark captured when he wrote about Jesus’ encounter with the wealthy younger man: “Jesus, taking a look at him, cherished him” (10:21). Jesus selected to like the person the place he was, not judging him and never forcing change earlier than the person was prepared for it. And that day, Jesus met me the place I used to be, and taking a look at me, he cherished me.

His gaze was comforting—and in addition difficult. It held an invite to dig deeper. I questioned what it was that was bothering me a lot. After sifting by an entire litany of considerations, I unearthed a latest pure catastrophe that had impacted our household. It took greater than half a 12 months to recuperate from and concerned a displacement from our residence because it was being repaired. I uncovered my fears {that a} related occasion may occur sooner or later. Lastly, the phrase “act of God” got here to thoughts, and with that I spotted I had reached the pith.

I turned to Jesus and blurted out, Why? Why would you permit that to occur to us?

Now his eyes have been welling with tears, and he pulled me shut. Our tears poured down.

In that place of prayer, there have been no pretenses. The temptation that Jesus wouldn’t love me if I felt a adverse feeling or if I introduced up matters that I assumed might sound ungrateful, uncomfortable, or difficult pale away. He noticed me proper the place I used to be, for all that I used to be and was not, and he stayed with me and cherished me. And I noticed him in his 40 days within the desert and all that he would undergo, together with that second when he would ask, “My God, my God, why have you ever deserted me?” Deep in my being, I spotted that we’re by no means alone in our struggling.

To get to that spot, I needed to open my complete self prayerfully, together with my creativeness and my reminiscences, and belief that God might work inside my vulnerability. I requested for the grace to note what was arising from the depths of my coronary heart. Once I did this, it revealed a temptation that was holding me again from connecting with God. The temptation right here was that God had a restricted quantity of affection for me, and it’d simply run out if I mentioned the “incorrect” factor. Via this prayer expertise, I used to be reminded that I wanted to let go of any presuppositions about who God is and the way God operates. Once I lastly noticed the temptation for what it was, I used to be in a position to let go of my self-judgements and focus as a substitute on Jesus’ remodeling gaze and the unconditional love he was providing me.

Ignatian contemplation is a robust technique of prayer. It fosters a relationship with Jesus that illuminates the inside and permits us to reside extra absolutely and authentically, unencumbered by dissonant ideas and emotions. It empowers us, time and time once more, to see by the entire stuff of residing that may get in the way in which of our relationship with God and helps us to simply accept that reworking Love that’s at all times in search of us.

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