Home Relationships How Narcissists Deal with Their Exes — 11 Widespread Issues They Do And How You Can Reply

How Narcissists Deal with Their Exes — 11 Widespread Issues They Do And How You Can Reply

How Narcissists Deal with Their Exes — 11 Widespread Issues They Do And How You Can Reply


Breaking apart with a narcissistic associate might be an emotionally taxing expertise, as I found firsthand within the aftermath of ending my relationship with a narcissistic ex-girlfriend. Narcissists are likely to have a set of darkish character traits that may be each bewildering and hurtful for his or her former companions. So it’s intriguing to delve into the psychology of how narcissists deal with their exes, as these people typically go away a long-lasting affect on those that have dared to sever ties with them.

One hanging attribute is the narcissist’s penchant for manipulation and emotional gamesmanship. Within the wake of our breakup, my ex-girlfriend employed a spread of ways aimed toward sustaining management and making certain that the narrative of our relationship suited her agenda. From gaslighting to guilt-tripping, she expertly wielded these instruments to solid doubt on my determination and undermine my sense of self-worth. Understanding these behaviors might be essential for these making an attempt to half methods with a narcissistic ex-partner.

Do Narcissists Undergo After A Breakup?

Within the aftermath of a breakup with a narcissist, their attribute narcissistic traits and coping mechanisms come to the forefront. As somebody who has navigated the stormy seas of parting methods with a narcissistic ex, I can discuss at size about their post-breakup expertise. Whereas it is perhaps tempting to consider that narcissists emerge unscathed from the demise of a relationship, a better look reveals a special narrative. Let’s discover how narcissists undergo after a breakup, analyzing their distinctive model of emotional turmoil.

  • Ego bruised, not heartbroken: For narcissists, the first supply of struggling lies within the dent to their grandiose self-image, moderately than the severing of a deep emotional connection
  • Management stripped away: The breakup disrupts the narcissist’s sense of management, prompting determined makes an attempt to regain dominance and salvage their inflated and false self-worth
  • Hid ache behind vanity: Outwardly, narcissists could venture an air of indifference or vanity, however beneath the floor, emotions of rejection and abandonment fester. That is what makes it appear to be narcissists hate their exes
  • Fast rebound relationships: Typically, narcissists search fast rebounds to reaffirm their desirability and canopy up their inside turmoil with exterior validations

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Relating to the narcissist’s concealment of ache behind an air of vanity, one examine discovered that narcissists may even go so far as trying suicide whereas persevering with to adamantly deny their struggling: “Psychiatric inpatient admission of three non-depressed younger males who escaped lethal self-injury offered a chance to check their character group. Defects in affect-regulatory features and proof of pathological narcissism had been recognized and explored … Every denied intent to kill himself, and none acknowledged expertise of despair or the want to die. Every additionally denied his suicidal conduct concerned vital dangers, and every discounted the significance of apparent, identifiable stressors as triggers for it.”

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As we delve into the intricacies of narcissistic tendencies and post-breakup struggling, the query naturally arises: Do narcissists miss their exes, or is their emotional panorama devoid of such sentiments? How you can know if a narcissist is completed with you could be a thriller, so let’s unravel this facet of a narcissist’s conduct.

Do Narcissists Miss Their Exes?

Do narcissistic people actually expertise the pangs of lacking their former companions? And the way do narcissists really feel whenever you transfer on? As we increase upon these inquiries, it’s important to unravel the advanced layers of narcissistic psychology to see the way it shapes their post-breakup dynamics equivalent to dumpers regret. Do narcissists solely join with sure exes? Do narcissists, pushed by a profound want for admiration and management, genuinely miss the individual they as soon as shared a relationship with?

Listed here are some issues they really lengthy for once they say they miss their ex:

  • Ease of management: Narcissists are likely to kind relationships based mostly on whom they’ll overpower, which might affect the depth of their emotions post-breakup. So if a narcissist needs to be buddies after breakup, be cautious as a result of it might be a management tactic
  • Ego enhance: What narcissists could miss greater than the individual is the ego enhance derived from the connection. The absence of fixed admiration can go away them craving for what they as soon as loved. So a narcissist needs you again just for this lacking validation
  • Idealized model of the connection: Idealization vs. actuality are a relentless battle with narcissists as they typically idealize their companions throughout the relationship, creating a picture that won’t align with actuality. Lacking their ex could also be extra about lacking the idealized model than the precise individual, notably in a narcissistic relationship with an empath
  • Revisiting their previous glory: Nostalgia for the instances when the connection served as a supply of narcissistic provide can result in a distorted sense of lacking their ex-partner. Additionally, denying them their narcissistic provide is what makes them belligerent and why it might appear to be narcissists hate their exes

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On coping with a narcissist obsessed along with his ex, a Reddit person makes some observations on males. They clarify that after you allow a narcissist, he’ll present his true colours on this trend: “He doesn’t miss ‘you.’ He misses what ‘you’ offered. Exchange ‘you’ together with her/him and that’s how the narcissist sees it. A method to an finish. Folks earlier than you, individuals after you. It doesn’t matter since they’re egocentric and simply take and take till you’re depleted.”

Let’s now discover whether or not narcissists expertise a real feeling of lacking their exes. Within the following part, we’ll scrutinize whether or not narcissists actually wish to return to their former companions or if their motivations lie elsewhere.

Do Narcissists Need To Go Again To Their Ex?

Coming into the realm of what a narcissist does on the finish of a relationship brings us to the intriguing query: Do narcissists harbor a real need to rekindle a relationship with their ex-partners? Do narcissists solely join with sure exes — those they know they’ll management? Understanding the motivations behind a narcissist’s actions is essential to navigating their post-breakup interactions.

As we discover whether or not narcissists wish to return to their exes, it turns into obvious that their motivations are sometimes intricately tied to their want for management, validation, and the preservation of their grandiose, albeit false self-image. Listed here are some causes for getting again with their former companions:

  • Ego restoration: Narcissists could entertain the thought of reconciliation as a method to revive their wounded ego and regain a way of management over the narrative of the connection
  • Searching for narcissistic provide: The will to reconnect typically stems from a necessity for a contemporary provide of admiration and validation, which the ex-partner beforehand offered. If a narcissist needs to be buddies after breakup, it often means they’re after this provide
  • Manipulative intentions: Narcissists could specific a need to reunite, not out of real love, however as a strategic transfer of romantic manipulation over their ex-partner
  • Cycle of idealization and devaluation: The cyclical nature of narcissistic relationships could result in a need to return, pushed by the idealization part. This part is adopted by devaluation. All of this creates a brief phantasm of enchancment

One Reddit person talks of his narcissistic ex-girlfriend looking for this narcissistic provide from him: “Mine instructed me she misses the ‘previous Tim.’ I responded the ‘previous Tim’ that you simply kicked out and deserted all these instances? The ‘previous Tim’ that you simply’d go weeks and months ignoring not caring if he was useless or alive? They don’t maintain something sacred, not to mention one other individual, past themselves.”

narcissist obsessed with his ex
A narcissist obsessed along with his ex will proceed to topic her to his manipulative ways

When narcissists revisit previous relationships, it’s important to grasp how they deal with their exes in these eventualities and, extra importantly, how one can navigate such interactions. Within the subsequent part, we’ll discover how narcissists deal with their exes and supply insights on methods to successfully reply to those difficult conditions.

How Narcissists Deal with Their Exes And How To Reply

Even when the connection ends, the narcissistic abuse will possible proceed. The aftermath of a breakup with a narcissist typically unveils a fancy dance of manipulative behaviors and emotional turbulence. “How do narcissists really feel whenever you transfer on?” I requested a pal, who has been on the receiving finish of the hurt brought on by his self-consumed ex-partner.

He shared, “From my expertise, as soon as you allow a narcissist, he’ll go to nice lengths to guard or feed his ego. A narcissist obsessed along with his ex is a typical sight for some. However to face it personally was extraordinarily disturbing. I couldn’t have stored sane with out the assist of those that believed my facet of the story.”

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Understanding how narcissists deal with their exes is pivotal for these navigating the difficult terrain of post-relationship interactions. So let’s discuss concerning the widespread patterns of narcissistic abuse exhibited by them when you break up. We additionally supply efficient methods for responding to those typically tumultuous encounters.

1. They are going to gaslight you

Folks with Narcissistic Character Dysfunction lack empathy, which permits them to make use of narcissistic gaslighting ways to erode your confidence and sense of actuality. They sow seeds of doubt via:

  • Persistent denial
  • Trivializing your experiences
  • Even rewriting of occasions

This emotional manipulation leaves the ex-partner questioning their very own sanity and recollections. It creates a poisonous setting the place the narcissist’s model of occasions takes priority, infecting your thoughts with confusion and self-doubt.

How you can reply: Documenting interactions may help. Hold data of conversations and incidents to guard your self from gaslighting and false accusations. Doing this may in all probability not get a narcissist to confess to their wrongdoing however it is going to shield you from feeling such as you’re imagining issues.

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2. They are going to try triangulation

Triangulation is a calculated narcissistic technique aimed toward sustaining emotional management. By introducing a 3rd celebration — whether or not actual or perceived — into the narrative, the narcissist triggers emotions of jealousy, competitors, and insecurity of their ex-partner. Plus, if he or she cheated now and desires to be buddies, there’s probability they’re trying to make use of this tactic on you. Whether or not flaunting a brand new relationship or strategically orchestrating interactions, this management tactic serves to govern feelings, exert affect, and hold the ex-partner entangled within the internet of the narcissist’s machinations.

How you can reply: Pay attention to the narcissist’s intent in making an attempt to make you jealous. Recognizing triangulation is step one in mitigating its affect. Chorus from partaking in confrontations with the third celebration or expressing overt jealousy, as this fuels the narcissist’s manipulation.

3. They will provide you with the silent remedy

Narcissists deal with their exes with the silent remedy as a robust type of emotional abuse. Why do they do that? Let’s see:

  • It’s executed to say dominance and instigate nervousness of their ex-partners
  • By abruptly withdrawing communication, the narcissist leaves the ex-partner in a state of uncertainty and desperation for decision
  • This calculated tactic is designed to keep up management, because the silent remedy communicates that the narcissist holds the facility to grant or withhold emotional connection. Narcissists love holding energy over an individual, it doesn’t matter what type of energy it’s

How you can reply: Keep calm and picked up. Don’t enable the narcissist’s conduct to set off frustration or desperation, no less than not in entrance of them. Chorus from begging or pleading for consideration. Giving in to emotional pleas will certainly reinforce the narcissist’s perception that silent remedy is an efficient software for manipulation.

4. Your narcissistic ex will resort to hoovering

Publish-breakup, narcissists typically interact in hoovering, a manipulative cycle of the idealization stage adopted by devaluation aimed toward luring their ex-partner again into the connection. It’s a three-stage cycle via which the narcissist seeks to re-establish management over their ex-partner’s feelings and undermine their self-confidence, making a cycle that perpetuates emotional turmoil and dependency.

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These are the three levels of their conduct:

  • Intermittent shows of affection
  • False guarantees of change
  • And intermittent consideration within the type of extreme reward

How you can reply: Pay attention to covert narcissistic hoovering and acknowledge it as a manipulation technique employed by the narcissist to regain management and a spotlight. Ask your self: Are the narcissist’s guarantees of change or shows of affection momentary? If sure, they’re meant to govern feelings.

5. They are going to shift the blame onto you

A cornerstone of narcissistic conduct includes deflecting duty for the connection’s demise onto their ex-partner. By casting themselves as innocent victims, narcissists skillfully manipulate the narrative, leaving their ex-partners burdened with unfounded guilt and disgrace. When you’re confronted with a ‘he or she cheated now needs to be buddies’ scenario, they’ll very possible try to shift blame on you.

Be cautious. This blame-shifting tactic serves to absolve the narcissist of accountability whereas reinforcing their sense of superiority, and likewise to create a way of self-doubt of their sufferer.

How you can reply: Resist internalizing the false guilt imposed by their blame-shifting. Remind your self of your personal intentions and actions (checklist them out if it helps), and don’t let the narcissist’s makes an attempt to shift blame have an effect on your self-worth. Resist the urge to change into overly defensive or to react emotionally in entrance of your ex. As an alternative, calmly handle inaccuracies after which redirect the dialog towards discovering options or resolutions.

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6. They are going to try to smear your repute

To safeguard their very own picture, narcissists could provoke smear campaigns towards their ex-partners. By way of a calculated dissemination of false data, distortions, and character assassinations, they try to tarnish your repute. Narcissists deal with their exes this fashion not solely to isolate them socially but additionally to strengthen their management over the narrative surrounding the breakup. This could trigger extreme belief points and low vanity within the sufferer, doubtlessly damaging future relationships.

How you can reply: In case your ex is doing this to you, search assist. Attain out to buddies, members of the family, or a therapist for a supportive community throughout this difficult time. Get a restraining order should you concern on your security. And all the time keep in mind to prioritize self-care in the course of all this.

7. A narcissist needs you again in the event that they resort to like bombing

Love bombing is a misleading method whereby the narcissist inundates their ex-partner with overwhelming shows of affection and a spotlight. This reinforcement of affection and admiration creates a way of dependency and pleasure, successfully luring the ex-partner again into the narcissist’s orbit. This technique of narcissistic behaviors is characterised by an exaggerated depth of feelings and grandiose shows of affection and sexual advances, solely to be adopted by subsequent manipulation and emotional withdrawal. The bitter fact is that narcissists care solely about themselves.

Additionally, be aware of future faking. A Reddit person recounts her expertise of coping with a narcissistic ex: “It was undoubtedly future faking. The narc will discover another person inside per week and begin telling her that she is the longer term spouse and past excellent. That promise means nothing to them as a result of they’ll drag it and drop it onto the subsequent individual in line.” If that is relatable, then moderately than genuinely lacking you, please know that your ex is trying to govern you.

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How you can reply: Clearly outline and implement wholesome boundaries to guard your emotional well-being. Agency boundaries will come about on account of self-awareness, and can cease you from getting carried away. Gauge their response to your assertion of those boundaries.

8. They might try to manage or manipulate your funds

Narcissists like to overpower their companions utterly. Folks with Narcissistic Character Dysfunction could exert monetary management throughout and after the connection, leveraging cash as a software for manipulation and affect. They do that by:

  • Controlling entry to sources
  • Creating monetary dependency
  • Utilizing monetary threats

The narcissist ensures that their ex-partner stays entangled in an online of dependence, additional complicating the method of disentangling from the poisonous relationship. For instance, a typical method of controlling funds post-breakup is by refusing to pay youngster assist.

How you can reply: Seek the advice of family members or a monetary advisor for tactics you possibly can change into financially impartial. If wanted, seek the advice of a lawyer to see if there may be any authorized recourse.

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9. Your ex will exploit your emotional vulnerabilities in one more show of narcissism

Narcissists preserve dominance by recognizing and exploiting their ex-partner’s emotional vulnerabilities. It’s a key tactic employed by them to maintain you trapped. By leveraging your most deep-seated insecurities, fears, or previous traumas, narcissists achieve a strategic benefit and make sure that you stay emotionally entangled and dependent via trauma bonding. That is in all probability probably the most damaging narcissist strikes and makes it more durable for the sufferer to belief a brand new associate.

How you can reply: On this scenario, sever contact along with your ex-partner instantly. If that isn’t potential, no less than decrease contact as a lot as potential to interrupt free from the cycle of manipulation and regain emotional readability. It’s not a good suggestion to even stay buddies with a narcissist.

10. Narcissists will try to govern the narrative

Narcissists habitually interact in pathological mendacity via fabrication of elaborate tales, exaggerations, or omissions. They do that to realize the next:

  • It’s a technique of controlling perceptions, trying to make it appear to be their dangerous conduct isn’t such a severe offense
  • The compulsive liar manipulates the narrative to keep up a facade of superiority and regain management of the scenario
  • Narcissists behave this fashion as a result of pathological mendacity serves to strengthen the narcissist’s inflated false self-image whereas undermining the ex-partner’s skill to discern fact from fiction, perpetuating a cycle of confusion and dependency
narcissist wants you back
A narcissist will try to play the sufferer within the breakup

How you can reply: It could assist to domesticate emotional independence in an effort to scale back dependency on exterior validation. Your core family and friends will assist you thru this. Make an inventory of details, and browse it everytime you doubt your self. Share it along with your family members.

11. They are going to play the sufferer card

Narcissists deal with their exes like abusers to realize the higher hand. Regardless of being the orchestrators of emotional manipulation, narcissists skillfully play the sufferer to elicit sympathy and deflect blame onto their ex-partners. This manipulative tactic, generally known as DARVO (deny, assault, and reverse sufferer and offender), includes presenting themselves as unjustly persecuted, fostering a story the place their ex-partner turns into the alleged aggressor.

It shifts the perceived energy dynamic of their favor. By portraying themselves as harmless victims, narcissists additional manipulate perceptions, making it difficult for his or her former companions to say their very own truths and experiences.

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How you can reply: Since there may be nothing you are able to do to vary one other individual’s perspective, the most effective factor can be to disregard their actions and focus in your therapeutic. Block them from all over the place. Prioritize self-care actions to nurture your psychological and emotional well being when coping with a narcissistic harm of this sort.

Key Pointers

  • Breaking apart with a narcissistic associate is commonly not the top of the story. They are going to proceed to have an effect on your private life and different relationships within the aftermath
  • Narcissists do undergo post-breakup however not in the way in which the remainder of us do — They undergo from a scarcity of ego validation and miss the management that they had on you
  • They’ve a spread of ways that they might make use of to lure you again into their management equivalent to hoovering, blame-shifting, love bombing, and DARVO
  • Understanding narcissism is step one you possibly can take. It’ll enable you reply to their makes an attempt at drawing you again into their abusive video games

We’ve delved into the intricate psychology of how narcissists deal with their exes and explored the nuances of the struggling they undergo, and the one they inflict upon others. From gaslighting to like bombing, the manipulative ways employed by narcissists have been laid naked. When you’re going via this damage, we hope you’re taking steps towards breaking freed from their management.

By documenting interactions, educating ourselves, and specializing in therapeutic and self-care, you can’t solely navigate the advanced internet woven by narcissists but additionally reclaim management, fostering a journey of self-discovery and empowerment past the shadows of manipulation.

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